Weaning

The boys are very nearly weaned.  They've only nursed three times since Friday night (Henry only twice).  I'm a little sad, but mostly I am loving the freedom.  It's so nice not to wrestle with them while they try to nurse and run around at the same time.  Their standard milk-drinking procedure involved running around with a bottle hanging from their teeth that they can tip up whenever they need some more milk without having to slow down at all. Clearly the breastfeeding wasn't working for them.

Graham woke up last night around 12 and I brought him into bed and nursed him.  He fell asleep snuggled up next to me.  It was the sweetest thing, and I will miss moments like that.  I'm sure I'll still bring him into bed with me, but without nursing, I don't think I'll get as much snuggling.

He woke up this morning with what I suspect is our first ear infection.  We're going to the doctor this afternoon to see.  Hopefully, the snow that fell last night will have melted by then.  The snow/sick baby combination means I'm not going to class or work this morning.  Must go enjoy the time off.

Way Back When-esday

My first Way Back When-esday, hosted by Cheryl at Twinfatuation.

This was almost 1 year ago.  My 6 day old twins, under the tree.  The best Christmas present I ever got.

Weaning

I am beyond ready to be done breastfeeding.  I know La Leche League says that it is impossible for babies to bite while nursing, but they are crazy.  Maybe what my boys are doing isn't technically biting (well, sometimes it definitely is biting) but there is definitely tooth-nipple contact and LOTS of pressure and then bleeding.  And it's not intentional, so I can't figure out how to get them to stop.

So, I'm done.  I want my body back.  I want to be able to leave the house without having a bajillion bottles to wash when I come home. (Doesn't it seem that some OTHER parent should be in charge of bottle washing, seeing as how I do ALL the breastfeeding work?)  When the boys first wake up or when I come home after class, I feel like a piece of steak that has been thrown into a lion's cage.  I like that they are excited to see me, but I would much prefer the giggling, cuddling greeting that Jamie gets.

The problem is, I don't know HOW to wean.  Everything I find online either talks about how to wean your younger baby from breast to bottle, or is a raving lecture about not weaning until your baby is ready.  These lectures all briefly mention that when the breastfeeding relationship isn't working for both mother and baby, it is time to wean.  But what do I do? Do I just give them cups of milk EVERY time we would have nursed?  That seems like a lot of cow's milk.  Also, I have always thought it was weird when people have milk as their beverage with meals, and it seems like this is how that happens.

The boys turn one in a little less than two weeks, and I start a new semester in school three weeks after that.  I need to be DONE with daytime nursing by then, since I'll be gone all day.  I'm ok with still nursing first thing in the morning and before bed, but I wouldn't be sad if we were done with that, too.  And then I'm going to buy a dress, because I have been seeing people wearing pretty sweater dresses and I am jealous that I can't wear those because I have to pull my shirt up five or six times a day.

I know that I will miss the cuddles and all the other nice parts of nursing, and I'm not really as cold-hearted as I seem.  It is just time for my relationship with my babies to change.

Memories

I have always loved the first few weeks of fall, when the weather turns cold and you can almost smell the anticipation and excitement leading up to the best holidays of the year. My birthday is the week before Christmas, so I have even more to celebrate in December. I am one of those people who listens to Christmas music starting the day after Halloween and I am so antsy to get a Christmas tree that it is almost impossible to wait until after Thanksgiving (which, really, is the earliest you can reasonably get a tree).

My boys were born the day after my birthday last year, and we came home from the hospital on Christmas Eve. The anticipation of the holiday season this year is so much bigger than in years past, but I'm also flooded with memories of last winter almost daily. Putting on my big warm robe, cuddling under the warmest blankets we have, stepping onto the cold kitchen floor in my bare feet all remind me of those sleepless, crazy, happy, early days of my boys' life.

Everyone says that the first few months of a newborn's life are a hazy blur for the parents, and even more so when you have twins. While this is sort of true, in that I don't remember things like how long we supplemented with formula or what size they were wearing when they were two months old, other aspects of that time are some of the clearest memories I have. I will never forget getting up in our cold, cold apartment in the middle of the night, putting on my robe and slippers, and wrapping myself in fleece blankets that were gifts from family members.

We have two blankets with our last name appliqued on the corner in big, collegial looking letters and two more with a cute teddy bear print. I would wrap one or two around my legs, drape one over my shoulders, and one over the babies. We had lots of help for the first six weeks or so, and Jamie and my mom or his aunt would go get the babies and bring them to me. The three of us would snuggle up while they nursed like hungry, growing little boys do. Jamie would get me a big glass of water and something to eat. We had so many good meals cooked for us in those days, and my midnight snack would often be leftover sweet potatoes or a turkey sandwich or something else cozy and filling. I was ravenous for months after the boys were born.

One of the most memorable meals of my life was when the boys were six days old - the day after Christmas. Two of my best friends came to meet the babies. Someone cooked a roast and mashed potatoes, and there was wine. My mom, my brother, his wife, and my friends all stayed for dinner. I ate and nursed my babies and laughed with my friends and family. Someone else cooked, someone else cleaned. I got to have a glass of wine. I am so lucky to have had so many wonderful people around to help celebrate my new family. The entire holiday season was filled with meals like these. Our tiny apartment was crammed full of people for the entire first month of our babies' lives, and I wouldn't have had it any other way. I'm so excited to enter another season of food, family, celebration, and thanksgiving. I can't wait to make more memories with these beautiful little people.

Fun v Happy

I spent a lot of time last night facebook stalking friends from high school and college. Most of my friends aren't married and don't have kids. A lot of them are in grad school. There are a LOT of pictures of people at parties or the beach or football games where they look like they're having a lot of fun. For a while, I was a little sad about all the fun I don't have while I'm at home with my little family.

But then I thought about how happy my little family makes me. And while many of my friends are very happy, there are quite a few who aren't really happy. Most of my day consists of things that no one would think of as fun (getting up at 5:30, changing 6,432 poopy diapers each day, carrying 40+ lbs of wiggling, whining baby up and down stairs). But I am very happy. Happier than I've ever been in my life.

When I'm unhappy, I have a tendency to imagine that if I could only change X, my life would be better. When I was living in Maryland, working a decent job, going out a lot with my friends, and generally living a miserable life, I was sure that if I could quit my job, get married, and have a baby, I would be happier. The therapist I was talking to at the time disagreed. But then, I got knocked up, quit my job, and got married. And now I'm happy. I love my husband. I love my baby boys. I sleep very little and don't see my friends as much as I'd like and spend SO MUCH TIME dealing with poop, but I wouldn't change a thing.

Really, Amazon?

I was on dictionary.com, looking up how to spell "breadth," because sometimes I can't spell, and an ad showed up promising me that Amazon.com had the lowest prices available on Breadth, with free shipping. Really? What kind of box does that come in? Surely it won't fit in the standard DVD-sized box.

Forgetful Friday

I forgot to post yesterday. I also forgot to do my weekend homework. One of my classes is online, and is structured as a weekly online discussion from Friday to Sunday. In order to prepare for the discussion, I need to have read 3-4 articles by Friday. I totally forgot to do this until just a few minutes ago. And this week's topic is the most interesting to me so far - blogging.