So, I'm done. I want my body back. I want to be able to leave the house without having a bajillion bottles to wash when I come home. (Doesn't it seem that some OTHER parent should be in charge of bottle washing, seeing as how I do ALL the breastfeeding work?) When the boys first wake up or when I come home after class, I feel like a piece of steak that has been thrown into a lion's cage. I like that they are excited to see me, but I would much prefer the giggling, cuddling greeting that Jamie gets.
The problem is, I don't know HOW to wean. Everything I find online either talks about how to wean your younger baby from breast to bottle, or is a raving lecture about not weaning until your baby is ready. These lectures all briefly mention that when the breastfeeding relationship isn't working for both mother and baby, it is time to wean. But what do I do? Do I just give them cups of milk EVERY time we would have nursed? That seems like a lot of cow's milk. Also, I have always thought it was weird when people have milk as their beverage with meals, and it seems like this is how that happens.
The boys turn one in a little less than two weeks, and I start a new semester in school three weeks after that. I need to be DONE with daytime nursing by then, since I'll be gone all day. I'm ok with still nursing first thing in the morning and before bed, but I wouldn't be sad if we were done with that, too. And then I'm going to buy a dress, because I have been seeing people wearing pretty sweater dresses and I am jealous that I can't wear those because I have to pull my shirt up five or six times a day.
I know that I will miss the cuddles and all the other nice parts of nursing, and I'm not really as cold-hearted as I seem. It is just time for my relationship with my babies to change.