Kingston Duo

Weaning

2009-03-02T06:13:00.000-08:00

The boys are very nearly weaned. They've only nursed three times since Friday night (Henry only twice). I'm a little sad, but mostly I am loving the freedom. It's so nice not to wrestle with them while they try to nurse and run around at the same time. Their standard milk-drinking procedure involved running around with a bottle hanging from their teeth that they can tip up whenever they need some more milk without having to slow down at all. Clearly the breastfeeding wasn't working for them.

Graham woke up last night around 12 and I brought him into bed and nursed him. He fell asleep snuggled up next to me. It was the sweetest thing, and I will miss moments like that. I'm sure I'll still bring him into bed with me, but without nursing, I don't think I'll get as much snuggling.

He woke up this morning with what I suspect is our first ear infection. We're going to the doctor this afternoon to see. Hopefully, the snow that fell last night will have melted by then. The snow/sick baby combination means I'm not going to class or work this morning. Must go enjoy the time off.

Way Back When-esday

2008-12-17T04:15:00.001-08:00

My first Way Back When-esday, hosted by Cheryl at Twinfatuation.

This was almost 1 year ago. My 6 day old twins, under the tree. The best Christmas present I ever got.

Weaning

2008-12-04T06:02:00.001-08:00

I am beyond ready to be done breastfeeding. I know La Leche League says that it is impossible for babies to bite while nursing, but they are crazy. Maybe what my boys are doing isn't technically biting (well, sometimes it definitely is biting) but there is definitely tooth-nipple contact and LOTS of pressure and then bleeding. And it's not intentional, so I can't figure out how to get them to stop.

So, I'm done. I want my body back. I want to be able to leave the house without having a bajillion bottles to wash when I come home. (Doesn't it seem that some OTHER parent should be in charge of bottle washing, seeing as how I do ALL the breastfeeding work?) When the boys first wake up or when I come home after class, I feel like a piece of steak that has been thrown into a lion's cage. I like that they are excited to see me, but I would much prefer the giggling, cuddling greeting that Jamie gets.

The problem is, I don't know HOW to wean. Everything I find online either talks about how to wean your younger baby from breast to bottle, or is a raving lecture about not weaning until your baby is ready. These lectures all briefly mention that when the breastfeeding relationship isn't working for both mother and baby, it is time to wean. But what do I do? Do I just give them cups of milk EVERY time we would have nursed? That seems like a lot of cow's milk. Also, I have always thought it was weird when people have milk as their beverage with meals, and it seems like this is how that happens.

The boys turn one in a little less than two weeks, and I start a new semester in school three weeks after that. I need to be DONE with daytime nursing by then, since I'll be gone all day. I'm ok with still nursing first thing in the morning and before bed, but I wouldn't be sad if we were done with that, too. And then I'm going to buy a dress, because I have been seeing people wearing pretty sweater dresses and I am jealous that I can't wear those because I have to pull my shirt up five or six times a day.

I know that I will miss the cuddles and all the other nice parts of nursing, and I'm not really as cold-hearted as I seem. It is just time for my relationship with my babies to change.

Memories

2008-11-16T06:15:00.000-08:00

I have always loved the first few weeks of fall, when the weather turns cold and you can almost smell the anticipation and excitement leading up to the best holidays of the year. My birthday is the week before Christmas, so I have even more to celebrate in December. I am one of those people who listens to Christmas music starting the day after Halloween and I am so antsy to get a Christmas tree that it is almost impossible to wait until after Thanksgiving (which, really, is the earliest you can reasonably get a tree).

My boys were born the day after my birthday last year, and we came home from the hospital on Christmas Eve. The anticipation of the holiday season this year is so much bigger than in years past, but I'm also flooded with memories of last winter almost daily. Putting on my big warm robe, cuddling under the warmest blankets we have, stepping onto the cold kitchen floor in my bare feet all remind me of those sleepless, crazy, happy, early days of my boys' life.

Everyone says that the first few months of a newborn's life are a hazy blur for the parents, and even more so when you have twins. While this is sort of true, in that I don't remember things like how long we supplemented with formula or what size they were wearing when they were two months old, other aspects of that time are some of the clearest memories I have. I will never forget getting up in our cold, cold apartment in the middle of the night, putting on my robe and slippers, and wrapping myself in fleece blankets that were gifts from family members.

We have two blankets with our last name appliqued on the corner in big, collegial looking letters and two more with a cute teddy bear print. I would wrap one or two around my legs, drape one over my shoulders, and one over the babies. We had lots of help for the first six weeks or so, and Jamie and my mom or his aunt would go get the babies and bring them to me. The three of us would snuggle up while they nursed like hungry, growing little boys do. Jamie would get me a big glass of water and something to eat. We had so many good meals cooked for us in those days, and my midnight snack would often be leftover sweet potatoes or a turkey sandwich or something else cozy and filling. I was ravenous for months after the boys were born.

One of the most memorable meals of my life was when the boys were six days old - the day after Christmas. Two of my best friends came to meet the babies. Someone cooked a roast and mashed potatoes, and there was wine. My mom, my brother, his wife, and my friends all stayed for dinner. I ate and nursed my babies and laughed with my friends and family. Someone else cooked, someone else cleaned. I got to have a glass of wine. I am so lucky to have had so many wonderful people around to help celebrate my new family. The entire holiday season was filled with meals like these. Our tiny apartment was crammed full of people for the entire first month of our babies' lives, and I wouldn't have had it any other way. I'm so excited to enter another season of food, family, celebration, and thanksgiving. I can't wait to make more memories with these beautiful little people.

Fun v Happy

2008-11-12T06:04:00.000-08:00

I spent a lot of time last night facebook stalking friends from high school and college. Most of my friends aren't married and don't have kids. A lot of them are in grad school. There are a LOT of pictures of people at parties or the beach or football games where they look like they're having a lot of fun. For a while, I was a little sad about all the fun I don't have while I'm at home with my little family.

But then I thought about how happy my little family makes me. And while many of my friends are very happy, there are quite a few who aren't really happy. Most of my day consists of things that no one would think of as fun (getting up at 5:30, changing 6,432 poopy diapers each day, carrying 40+ lbs of wiggling, whining baby up and down stairs). But I am very happy. Happier than I've ever been in my life.

When I'm unhappy, I have a tendency to imagine that if I could only change X, my life would be better. When I was living in Maryland, working a decent job, going out a lot with my friends, and generally living a miserable life, I was sure that if I could quit my job, get married, and have a baby, I would be happier. The therapist I was talking to at the time disagreed. But then, I got knocked up, quit my job, and got married. And now I'm happy. I love my husband. I love my baby boys. I sleep very little and don't see my friends as much as I'd like and spend SO MUCH TIME dealing with poop, but I wouldn't change a thing.

Really, Amazon?

2008-11-08T20:12:00.001-08:00

I was on dictionary.com, looking up how to spell "breadth," because sometimes I can't spell, and an ad showed up promising me that Amazon.com had the lowest prices available on Breadth, with free shipping. Really? What kind of box does that come in? Surely it won't fit in the standard DVD-sized box.

Forgetful Friday

2008-11-08T11:58:00.000-08:00

I forgot to post yesterday. I also forgot to do my weekend homework. One of my classes is online, and is structured as a weekly online discussion from Friday to Sunday. In order to prepare for the discussion, I need to have read 3-4 articles by Friday. I totally forgot to do this until just a few minutes ago. And this week's topic is the most interesting to me so far - blogging.

One hundred and eighty degrees

2008-11-06T09:49:00.001-08:00

Graham and Henry slept from 6:30 last night until 5:45 this morning. Straight. No screaming. No nursing. Glory, hallelujah. I had the sense to go to bed around 10:30, which means that for the first time in about a year, I slept for 7 straight hours.

Oh, the wonders of sleep. I am a better mother today. I am a better person. At lunch, when Graham gently took the piece of cheese I was offering him and threw in on the floor in disgust, then shrieked like a monkey, I was able to laugh, wipe off his face, and put him on the floor. Yesterday, the exact same scene would have made me cry.

All day I have been hugging, tickling, kissing, and loving my boys more than I have been capable of in a while. Any thoughts that letting the boys cry at night would be cruel are GONE. What is cruel is subjecting them to me without sleep.
I hope I didn't just jinx this by writing about it.

Midnight crazies

2008-11-05T18:24:00.000-08:00

At some point last night, a baby woke up crying and in my half-awake state, I thought "Why is he crying? Obama won. It will be ok." This morning Jamie admitted he thought the same thing.

I'm learning html for school right now and really enjoying it. Maybe I will spiff up my blog over Christmas break.

The taste of Summer....

2008-11-05T07:19:00.000-08:00

I'm at Panera, working on homework, sipping a smoothie. A smoothie in a cup that says
"The Taste of Summer
Try our Frozen Lemonade."

Should I tell them it's November?

Today is better

2008-11-04T18:54:00.000-08:00

Today could have been so terrible. I slept about 4 hours last night. I let Jamie take the car to work today so he wouldn't have to ride his bike in the cold rain. It rained ALL DAY so I couldn't take the boys out of the house. My nap was interrupted by an insurance claims adjuster calling about last night's car accident.

BUT... it was kind of a good day. The boys napped well and were sweet between naps. They played together. Jamie made tasty dinner, after taking the boys out for a walk so I could take a nap. I made Swistle's pumpkin muffins and let the boys have their first taste of chocolate. It was a crazy parenting day, because I also plopped them in front of the TV for the first time ever. They watched about 15 minutes of Planet Earth, giggling the whole time.

And on top of it all, it looks like Obama is going to be our next president. I'm pretty happy tonight.

2008-11-04T01:51:00.000-08:00

The apartment we lived in when the boys were born had a lot of character. Wood floors, cockroaches, drafty windows, and creaky, sticky doors. The door to the boys' room was particularly sticky and every time I opened or closed it in the night it made a lot of noise. Every night since we moved in here, I have been grateful for the door to the boys' room. It opened and closed beautifully, latching in place with no noise or effort, slipping open quietly when I checked on them. Last night when I came home from a mom's night out with our playgroup, the door was broken. It doesn't close at all now. I think it was slammed, although I didn't press Jamie for a lot of details.
We are "ferberizing" Graham and Henry to try to get them to sleep all night again. They woke up while I was on my way home and Jamie was alone. Normally, this would me that he had to listen to 10 minutes of crying alone and then I'd be there to help. However, I got in a little car accident last night. Nothing major, not too much damage, but I couldn't see the car to evaluate that in the rain, so we called the police to make a report (and shine their big flashlights on the cars) anyway. So, for about an hour, I waited while the police came, got our stories and wrote up the report. I waited with my headlights on. I know I'm an idiot. When everything was all done, my car wouldn't start. So I called AAA. And waited some more. At this point, the boys had been crying for an hour, and Jamie had tried his best to do Ferber's "progressive waiting," but after a while I guess he just couldn't take it anymore. He threw some stuff, slammed some doors, and got the boys up out of bed. Awesome. I don't think I need to elaborate on how pissed I was when I got home.
Now it is 5:00. Graham is up again, but sounds like he is close to falling asleep. I have the handle of their laundry bag hung over their door to keep it shut. Jamie is asleep.
If McCain wins tonight, I will probably just curl up in a ball. I need something to go my way today.

(I know that I am posting this on Tuesday and I missed Monday, but I had all these plans to write about finally getting out with other moms without my kids when I got home. I'll post again tonight to make up for yesterday.)

Not about my children

2008-11-02T06:22:00.000-08:00

I started a Master's degree program in library science this semester (although I may switch to information science next semester) and I am really enjoying it. I was doing reading for one of my classes last night and kept getting really excited about different definitions of relevance and reading them out loud to Jamie and thinking about what kind of research would be fun to do.

I never felt this way about math. Whenever I read current research about math, I was either totally lost or felt like what I was reading was so obscure it was useless. When I spent a summer doing math research, these thoughts were reinforced. When I got a job doing "math" for the federal government, I mostly did computer programming and sitting around. There wasn't anything I felt I could contribute. I didn't want to go to graduate school in math and spend years working on a dissertation that no one would ever read or care about.

It feels so good to be using my brain again. Yesterday marked one year that I have been at home. This is the longest I have gone without working since I was 14. I am so excited to have the opportunity to be around adults and work hard on things and be able to see results. As much as I love the boys and watching them learn and grow, laundry just isn't as rewarding for me as reading and thinking about theories in information science.

2008-11-01T06:20:00.000-07:00

The last few days/nights have been total HELL when it comes to sleep. Nobody napped for more than 20 minutes at a time yesterday (Henry only took one nap, in the car). Last night we had at least one baby awake and crying for the two hours following bedtime, then had two more waking incidents in which they woke each other up. Henry slept in Graham's crib, Graham slept in a pea pod tent in our room, and we slept on the futon downstairs. The night before, Graham was awake from about 11 to 2. That is THREE HOURS in the middle of the night.

HOWEVER, I am not 100% whiny about this. Because of the crappy sleep at night, they've been sleeping in a bit, taking later naps, and generally shifting the schedule later. Which is awesome, considering the time change tonight. It is possible that tomorrow, once we take into account the time change, all will be back to normal.

Also, the boys are clearly in the middle of a growth/developmental spurt. Henry was visibly bigger this morning, which sounds crazy, but is true. And, he looked like he had gotten a haircut. You know the look, where your bangs are just a bit too short. I know no one went in there and trimmed his hair in the middle of the night, so I have decided his head just got bigger. Maybe this is true, maybe I am just that exhausted.

ALSO, I think I'm going to participate in NaBloPoMo this month. This is month-long event (like Moustache November, but online), where people pledge to write a blog post every day for a month. Maybe this will help me learn to write about things other than baby milestones, or at least to write about baby milestones in a more interesting way.

Breastfeeding pictures.

2008-10-23T06:23:00.001-07:00

Here are some totally tame pictures of tandem breastfeeding. No boobies are showing - my husband took these.

It only takes about two seconds to go from this:

From October

To this:

From October

to this:

From October

at this point, they both whine for more milk and we start all over again. And then we make a fort:

From October

My brain is full

2008-10-23T05:04:00.001-07:00

It turns out that taking care of two 10 month olds, trying to keep a house in a semi-clean state and going to school full time is time consuming and brain consuming. Here are some little things I've been thinking about today:

When Graham steals a graham cracker from Henry, I can't help but think "well, they are GRAHAM crackers."
I don't think there are ANY daycares within 15 miles of our house that have any openings for twin 1 year olds. Most of them have enourmous wait lists. AND they charge something like $1200/month/child. Clearly, running a day care is where the money is. Maybe I should do that instead of library school.
Yesterday, I made an appointment to get my hair cut this weekend. While I was talking to the stylist about the drastic change I'm about to make, (I'm cutting it all off. Short.) he gave me copies of some of his favorite recipes. We were not talking about cooking.
We went to the zoo this weekend and the ocelot stared down my boys like they were hot dogs. It kind of freaked me out. Even though the cat only weighed about 30 pounds, I'm sure it could take me in a fight.

Gratitude

2008-10-03T05:43:00.001-07:00

Graham bumps his head on things a lot. Yesterday, after an encounter with the coffee table, I was cuddling him while he cried and I remembered something from when I used to babysit. No matter how much the kids liked me and how much time I spent with them, only Mama would do when they were really upset. I remember thinking that someday I would be Mama and my kids would want to be held and cuddled and kissed by me more than anyone else. I thought that would be really nice. It is so much nicer than I could have imagined. The love in their little eyes when they look up at me melts my heart several times a day. Every time I comfort one of my babies, I am grateful that I get to be their Mama.

More breastfeeding positions

2008-10-01T19:50:00.000-07:00

We don't always have the pillow around and sometimes it doesn't work even when it is there, so here are some more positions I use to tandem breastfeed my twins. Maybe I'll get pictures someday.

I sit on a couch, the floor, a bed, or in a big armchair. I put one boy on each side of me, sitting up and facing me.
Same as above, but with each boy on one thigh. I have to have my hands on their backs for this one, but it's cuddly.
This was Graham's invention, since two of his favorite things are pulling up to stand and breastfeeding. I lie on my side with Henry lying down next to me, nursing on the bottom breast. Graham crawls over (uninvited), pulls up on my arm and nurses on the top breast while standing, crawls away, crawls back, repeat forever.
I sit just about anywhere, nursing one in the cross hold (the way most women nurse one baby, with his body across my lap). When the other decides he wants to nurse, too, I put his head in his brother's lap with his body and feet curled around my side. Recently, this leads to a lot of one baby kicking the other in the head.
When we're all a bit sleepy, in bed, I lie on my back and cradle a baby in each arm. If I prop my elbows on pillows a bit and don't mind some boob twisting, they can both latch on lying down next to me like this. They have to be really cooperative for this to work and they have to be big enough to hold up their heads a little. It worked best between about 4 and 7 months. The bonus is that if you all fall asleep like this, you can gently jiggle any fussy babies without moving most of your body or the other baby. I highly recommend this as a nap position with little twins.
Often I nurse them both in the football hold without the pillow. I have to hold their heads up high enough to reach, but they seem fine with it. It hurts my arms a bit, though. Also, there is a lot more wiggling with this. Today I was nursing them at a friend's house while leaning against the couch and Graham ended up nursing with most of his body under the couch.

Breastfeeding is hard

2008-09-27T19:47:00.000-07:00

I know a lot of people have trouble tandem nursing with bigger twins, so I thought I'd explain a bit about how we do it here.

The number one thing you need for tandem nursing is the EZ2Nurse twins pillow: http://www.doubleblessings.com/servlet/Detail?no=280 It seems like a lot of money, but it is worth every dollar. Don't get the inflatable, it doesn't work as well. If you have access to a mothers of multiples club, ask around and you can probably find someone with a pillow to sell or give you. If you don't have a mothers of multiples club, find one and join it. I keep the pillow right next to the couch. I put both boys on the couch, sitting up with a pillow on each lap so it's harder to crawl away. Then I quickly put the nursing pillow on and sit between them and put another pillow behind my back. It's even easier if I put my feet up on something (the coffee table, usually). At this point, the boys know that pillow=nursing and try to crawl up onto it. I help them get up and in position.

If they're really hungry, they're good about staying sort of still, but usually it's wiggly craziness. Often one or both will roll off the pillow onto the couch, look around a little, and then decide they still want to nurse, so I have to help them back on. Sometimes one of them will pull off and cry and refuse to latch again. Usually, I put him on the floor for a bit and when he calms down he is willing to nurse again. Jamie calls this "pressing the reset button." When they're nursing, I try to keep my hands either on the back of their heads with my arms along their backs, or I put my hands on their backs. I think this makes them feel a little more secure.

If one finishes before the other, I put him on the floor and he crawls off to play, so I try to make sure the floor around me is clear of anything I don't want them playing with (cups of water, etc) before we nurse. It gets difficult when I'm putting them down for a nap or at night and I'm alone, because I have to figure out how to get two sleepy babies off the pillow and into their cribs without upsetting either of them. I don't nurse them all the way to sleep for many reasons, but the main one is that it is too logistically difficult. Recently, we've been nursing before we put pjs on and then we get them dressed and play for a bit before bed. This works much better.

Tandem nursing curious 9 month olds is not easy. It takes a lot of patience. I almost never get through a whole nursing session without putting a wiggly baby on the ground to explore for a bit and then picking him back up to nurse a little more at least once. I used to tandem nurse to save time. I don't think it's faster anymore, but it does reduce whining, since neither boy likes to watch his brother nurse without him (even if he just finished nursing himself).

Anyone else have tandem nursing tips? Any tips for what happens when my boys are too big for the nursing pillow? At 18 and 20 lbs, we are really pushing it right now.

For anyone who is really struggling with nursing twins, you are not alone. Almost every day I have moments where I just want to go buy a big case of formula. I just take it one feeding at a time. That's all we can ask of ourselves.

Boob thoughts

2008-09-22T17:06:00.000-07:00

I just got really emotional reading this about a woman being asked to cover up while nursing on an airplane. I have been so lucky these past nine months of nursing my twins. I can't think of a single instance of getting even a bad look from someone while nursing them in public and certainly no one has ever had the nerve to say anything to me. And it's not like I don't nurse the boys in public. Here is a list off the top of my head of places I've fed my babies:

my doctor's office
their doctor's office
the park, on a bench
all of my friends' houses
the mall, in the nursing room
the mall, on a bench
restaurants
coffee shops
airplanes
airports
gas station parking lot, in my car
target
the grass in front of the co-op
yoga class
the YMCA
the gym

I don't cover their heads, because they won't eat like that. Sometimes I can be discreet and feed one at a time, but these days they know whats going on. Neither of them is content to watch while their brother is fed, so I have to tandem nurse every time and there is no discreet way to nurse two babies. And I don't care.

I realized today that we only have pictures of them breastfeeding from when they were tiny tiny things. I want more pictures of it. They are so cute, the positions they wiggle into seem so uncomfortable but they're totally happy. The other day I was nursing just Henry after he hit his head on something and when I leaned over to put him back on the floor, Graham saw my breast and crawled over and latched on. I was sitting in a chair, leaning over and he was standing up, holding onto the chair. Very funny, but not too comfortable.

As I'm writing this, though, I am realizing just how NOT comfortable I am with the idea of other people reading about or seeing me breastfeeding. In the moment, I have no problem with it. Literally everyone who has met my children has seen my breasts, almost without exception. But as I'm typing this and thinking about the people who might read my blog, I'm wondering whether I want those people thinking about my breasts at all. And although I do almost no editing of my pictures before I put them online, the one thing I have always done is make sure I don't put up anything with my breast in it. Maybe I should make a separate album of breastfeeding pictures. That way I can celebrate them and share them with anyone who cares and other people can skip over them and just look at the cute, breast-free baby pictures. Oh, I wish we could all just be grown-ups about boobs.

Whew

2008-09-07T19:17:00.000-07:00

So, I haven't updated in FOREVER because it has become much more difficult just to keep these babies alive and semi-clean. Recent events:

Graham pulls up and cruises along the couch, coffee table, exersaucer, anything he can reach.
Graham crawls really well and REALLY fast.
Henry is trying hard to do both of the above, with limited success.
So many bruises. So much crying.
Henry has figured out that the louder and higher pitched his screaming, the faster we respond.
Graham can remove outlet covers.
Graham can unplug and disassemble the night light in about 2 seconds.
There is no longer a nightlight in their room.
I step on toys in the middle of the night a lot.
Henry shocked himself by putting a power cord in his mouth when the other end was plugged into the wall. I was not home. I ~~forced~~ asked Jamie to try it to see how much it hurts. Apparently, a lot.
Graham found the velcro on his cloth diapers and spent several minutes in the exersaucer unvelcroing and revelcroing one side.
Graham no longer has naked privileges. Onesies or pants must be worn over the diaper at all times.
We got an inflatable duckie bathtub and now bathe the boys together. This will last about a week, since they're almost too big to share the tub, but its SO CUTE. Also, they really enjoy being able to sit up in the tub.

From August

So, that is why I don't blog. And I'm a grad student now (SO MUCH HOMEWORK) and I'm an aunt now (more twins!).

From August

ALSO! We had exactly 4 days in August that we didn't spend with either Jamie's parents or my parents. That is a lot of family togetherness.

From August

Final August update: I am a runner now. I started the couch to 5k program 7 weeks ago so now I can actually run for more than 2 minutes without throwing up. I cannot believe I have done this whole thing. I haven't skipped any days, not even when I was on vacation in California. I haven't even walked any of the parts where I'm supposed to be running. It has been completely worth it, too. I am within a pound of my pre-pregnancy weight (and I got sick and lost a lot of weight before I got pregnant, so this is extra exciting) and I had to buy all new jeans. This means I have one pair of jeans, because I am too cheap to buy more until my weight stays the same for a while.

Bake-a-thon

2008-07-30T09:27:00.000-07:00

One of Jamie's roommates from college, Lissie, came to visit this week. Jamie was the only guy in an apartment full of girls his senior year. I wasn't sure I was ok with this when I first found out about the plan, but we had just started dating, so I knew it wasn't my place to complain. Turns out he was the one who should have been worried, since I got to be such good friends with them that my weekend visits were just as much baking and giggling with the girls as they were couple time. One of their other roommates, Blake, visited earlier this summer and the boys had a great time.

Lissie is home for a whirlwind tour of the US this summer between two years of teaching in Egypt. Her oven in Egypt is totally unpredictable and she has really missed baking, so we went kind of crazy while she was here. The night before she left we made apple crumble and the biggest loaf of Challah ever:

Also, before she came to visit, my brother wanted to learn how to bake bread, so we tried out a french bread recipe a friend gave me along with a French bread pan as a wedding present. I wasn't sure what the deal with the French bread pan was and since the recipe made twice as much bread as the pan could hold, we ended up doing two loaves in the fancy pan and two on a cookie sheet. There was a major difference in the appearance of the bread, but they were equally tasty:

Lissie used stale leftovers of the French bread to make Cheesy French toast for dinner on Sunday. It was awesome and easy, just like all the recipes from our new cookbook are.

Black and Blue

2008-07-29T08:54:00.000-07:00

Recently, I have been getting a lot of bruises, but mostly in just one spot on my right leg. They're always the same shape and in almost exactly the same location. I have been clumsy my whole life and I often run into things without thinking about it and find the bruise later and go "oh, right, I ran into the table at dinner last night." But, I cannot figure out what is causing these. I have walked all over my house trying to find something at that height that I might be running into. It's not the kitchen table or the counters or the cribs or the coffee table or the cabinet doors or the desk or the car doors. What else is in my house? Not much.

My husband is a restless sleeper, though, and I have the left side of the bed, meaning he is very close to my right thigh (sometimes even touching it!!!) while we sleep. I suspect foul play here, but I can't prove it.

Welcome back, laptop

2008-07-24T05:09:00.000-07:00

I have been without my laptop since Sunday morning, when Graham projectile vomited on it TWICE. I think I overfed him. Anyway, I managed to get most of the liquid out right away and saved all the important bits from any real damage, but the keyboard was filled with chunks. Gross. So I ordered a new/refurbished keyboard from Dell on Sunday night and it got here Wednesday morning. Sweet. I installed it, booted up the computer, and the screen didn't work.

I got out Jamie's laptop and looked up instructions on taking mine apart. I put the boys down for their afternoon nap and got going with the screwdriver, not thinking about how long they usually nap in the afternoon (45 minutes max). So, when Graham woke up, I was sitting in the middle of the living room, surrounded by computer parts and tiny screws. I put him down on the floor a couple feet away, for once grateful that he's not quite crawling yet, and let him bang on the keys on Jamie's computer while I continued working on mine, because I'm a considerate wife and attentive mother.

I ended up disassembling the screen, wiping all the parts down with some Windex and a lint-free cloth, and putting it back together. I honestly did not believe this would work, but it did! Firefox even asked me if I wanted to restore my last session. I was curious about what exactly I was doing on my computer when the explosion occurred. Turns out I had a tab open to my email and one to my reader. Shocking.

So now, I feel like a COMPUTER GENIUS. I still have no idea how to pretty up my blog at all, but I can clean vomit out of laptops like a pro. And now I'm back to doing all the important things in my life, like reading blogs, stalking people on facebook, and watching It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia on hulu. Have you seen this show? It's hilarious. Watch it.

2008-07-19T17:23:00.001-07:00

Except I forgot how much writing cover letters sucks......... bah.

2008-07-19T06:06:00.000-07:00

Although I often say differently, I have never much liked having lots of free time on my hands. Without a ton of stuff to do, I just sit around doing nothing, watching tv and reading nytimes.com until I get depressed. The year between graduating from college and getting married and pregnant, I was crazy busy, but always looking for more stuff to fill my time. I worked two jobs (one full time, one part time). I took two evening classes at Johns Hopkins. I took banjo lessons and quilting classes and tried to play touch rugby on the weekends (until I figured out that no tackling means you just run a lot, which is NOT why I liked rugby.) I drove from Baltimore to Philadelphia every weekend to visit my then-boyfriend now-husband. I got a cat.

I assumed that having twins to take care of would fill all my time and I wouldn't gett bored, but I was wrong. I mean, I do have tons of stuff to do, but its all so BORING. Its hard to get excited about another load of laundry or motivate myself to get off the couch and mop the pureed peas off the kitchen floor. And when Jamie gets home, if I haven't managed to do all the household chores I could have done and instead have spent a lot of time looking at my google reader (what? no new posts in the last three minutes? maybe I should subscribe to more blogs!), I feel like a failure. He has NEVER come home, looked around the house and said something like "So, didn't get around to vacuuming today, did you?" and he often does the opposite, thanking me for any little thing I managed to do, but I still feel like he is disappointed when the house isn't perfect.

And then the feminist, liberal, gender-equality obsessed part of me throws up. How did I get from being a successful mathematics researcher and one of only a handful of women in the office to a wife and mother who feels guilty for not keeping the house nice for her husband? This is not me. I want so badly to be a good SAHM, to be fulfilled by loving and caring for my kids and family, but I'm not. I suck at being a SAHM. Its the hardest job that I have ever had. There are no promotions or bonuses or vacations. There isn't even a clear job desription. I know that none of this is news to any other woman who has ever stayed home with kids, even for a short time, but it really took me seven months to figure this out.

Last night I was crying about being overwhelmed and not feeling like a good enough mom and Jamie (brilliant, wonderful Jamie) said "Well, that's not the only option. You could work. We might only just break even on the childcare, but that's fine." Suddenly it was like the clouds lifted. Why hadn't I thought of this? I know that I probably can't get a job right now that will contribute very much to our finances once we pay for childcare, but I had never thought about all the other, non-financial benefits of working. I could talk to other adults about non-poop related things EVERY DAY. I could feel good about myself as a person, not just as a mother or milk producer. I could even build up my resume a little.

I realized I had been stuck in the mindset of daycare=evil, staying at home= good. But if I'm too tired/depressed to get off the couch and play with my kids (which happens almost every day, if only for an hour or so), then they would be WAY better off with someone else for that time. I know tons of kids who have been in daycare and they're fine. Better than fine. It is possible for kids to thrive in daycare situations. Intellectually, I have always known this, but some part of me still resisted.

So now, I'm looking for jobs and daycare. I think I want to start just doing something part-time, but we'll see what I find. And I am still open to the idea of not working at all, but it feels good just to have given myself the option again. This way, if I end up at home with the boys after all, it will feel more like a choice.

Things of note

2008-07-16T08:33:00.000-07:00

Graham likes to rub his head with his little hand while he nurses. This morning, he grabbed my hand and rubbed his head with it.
Henry bit Graham's finger after he finished nursing today. Graham was not pleased.
Why do I keep forgetting I love coffee? I love coffee.

Oh, Tuesday

2008-07-15T10:28:00.000-07:00

My life seems to drag. Not the part with the babies, that's flying by. I can't believe they're 7 months old and have teeth and move and can almost sit up. But the rest of it. I sit on the computer reading blogs and news and facebook and message boards all day. I do laundry and wash dishes and worry about daycare for next year and nap. But despite all that, I always have to do laundry and wash dishes again and I still have no idea what to do with the boys when I go to school and I'm still always tired.
This is all harder because NONE of my friends have kids. They're in law school or newly married or traveling the world. They go to the beach and sleep late and read for fun and watch movies. And my new friends with kids are awesome, but they're all older than I am, which makes them hard to relate to sometimes. They own houses and they have careers. Next week, Jamie starts his new job. This means that we'll have real income. No longer Americorps' stipend. And then in August, I start school. Which is awesome and I'm SO EXCITED. But also: what am I going to do with the boys? When am I going to study? What if I don't like my classes? I am going to MISS MY BABIES. I haven't been away from them for more than 2 or 3 hours while they're awake and that's only happened a few times. I need to go to school. I am not cut out to be a stay at home mom forever, as much as I wish I were. Buts its scary.

Now that I've rambled about my feelings, baby updates:
-2 teeth each. Graham got the first tooth, then Henry popped out two, one after another, then Graham got one more. Henry's are much farther in than Graham's, but all four are SHARP. There was a little biting during nursing when they were first coming in, but we're done with that for now, it seems.

-Sleep. Always an issue. I am so tired. I think its getting better, but I'm sick of talking about it.

-Mobility. Both boys get up on hands and knees and rock a lot. I have yet to get a picture or video of this because they also love to grab the camera. Graham army crawls sometimes, but only if a really good toy is just out of his reach. Henry did it once, to get to some food.

They continue to be the cutest, happiest babies ever. We took them to the pool again this weekend. They enjoy it more each time. I think this visit was possibly the happiest Henry has ever been in his life. Almost non-stop laughter. We should do that more.

2008-07-03T08:01:00.000-07:00

I am currently trying to figure out how to keep the back of the car cool for the boys. There are no air vents back there and we live in the south so it gets really hot even after 15 or 20 minutes in the car. I don't want to spend $300 to get the windows professionally tinted, but I'm not sure what will work. I think I might have to go to a car parts store and see what I can find there.

Tooth!

2008-07-01T04:31:00.000-07:00

Last week, at the boys' 6 month appointment, the doctor said that he didn't think either of them would have teeth anytime soon, but that Henry was closer than Graham. So of course, Graham got a tooth yesterday. Bottom left. Its just barely poked through the gum, but its sharp. He slept a lot better last night than he has in the past few days. I think the tooth had been keeping him up.

2008-06-29T18:38:00.001-07:00

Win a Bum Genius 3.0 Starter Kit from Nature's Child - Wholesome Goods for Mothers and Babies

Coffee makes me think

2008-06-26T19:26:00.000-07:00

I've decided several things today. This is because I had coffee this morning, so my brain actually functioned all day. Here are my conclusions:
1. Coffee is good. I should drink it more.
2. I'm going to try to figure out a way to wear/carry both the boys at once. This would make lots of our outings so much nicer. I can do one at a time with a Tanzanian cloth thing my friend Gregor sent me:

3. Even though I'm pretty sure no one reads my blog, I'm going to pretend like people do. This includes asking questions and hoping someone responds.

So, here is my first request for advice from blogland. Its about sleep. I know, the most blogged about mom-topic in the world. But I feel like I have a dirty little baby sleep secret and it is this: My kids cry themselves to sleep. Every. Damn. Time. They are good little sleepers otherwise, giving me a full night (usually) and three solid naps during the day. But the only way they'll fall asleep (other than in the stroller or car) is if I put them down in their cribs and let them cry. Usually its less than 5 minutes, but it can be up to 15 or 20. And every once in a while it can take an hour or more. When that happens, I try to figure out what's wrong and fix it. But I also feel like a terrible mother. Jamie says that all kids do that, but he has no evidence to back this up. I imagine that other people put their kids in their cribs and those babies smile, roll over and rest quietly until they drift off to sleep.
So, which is it? Do other babies cry themselves to sleep almost all the time? Am I a terrible mother? Is there an alternative? At this point, the boys are too interested in the world to be rocked/cuddled/nursed to sleep. They just look all around and get more and more overstimulated and tired until they fall apart crying.
Also, if you have no sleep comments, but you do read this, could you just say hi?

2008-06-25T12:35:00.000-07:00

A trip to the pediatrician helped with the vomiting. None last night. I hope its over.

I haven't pumped in days. We've also been really lazy about trying to get Graham to take a bottle. I'm nervous about starting school in August and have been kind of in denial about the need to prepare. I have not starting building up a milk supply, looking for childcare, anything. Ugh.

More vomit.

2008-06-23T18:58:00.001-07:00

Graham struck again last night, but at least this time I managed to get almost all the way to the bathroom, saving the carpet just a bit. I hope this doesn't become a ritual.

In other news, we are going to join a gym that is within walking distance and has childcare! Wahoo. Tomorrow, I plan on walking to the gym, leaving my kids in childcare and doing an aerobics class. I'll be back in my high school size by Christmas. :)

6 months!

2008-06-22T19:31:00.001-07:00

The boys were 6 months old on Friday. Here are the stats:

Graham:
Weight: 15 pounds, 10 ounces, 25th percentile
Length: 25.5", 25th percentile
Head size: 45 cm, 50th percentile

Henry:
Weight: 17 pounds, 4 ounces, 50th percentile
Length: 26.5", 50th percentile
Head size: 46.5 cm, 90th percentile!!

Surprise, Henry has an enormous head.

Also this week: Graham vomited on me twice. big time. We are not talking about little spit ups. The first was post-vaccination, which has become standard for him, but the pediatrician is not concerned. The second was at 1 this morning when he coughed so hard he gagged and soaked me from neck to knees. He was clean except his toes. I had some wine tonight. I deserved it.

MOBILITY!!

2008-06-19T19:31:00.000-07:00

Although the boys have technically been mobile for a while, rolling and sliding around on their bellies, tonight was a big step. Graham was on the floor of their room, naked and diaperless and managed to push up on his hands and knees, get his belly off the floor, and move forward quite a bit. I will call this crawling. I think their big bulky cloth diapers inhibit their movement quite a bit, because he's always much closer to crawling when he's naked. Hmm...

Also, a story from last weekend that I don't want to forget. Blake was here, so we took the boys to the pool. They were wearing hats that have chinstraps, but the straps were undone. Blake was holding Graham and Jamie had Henry. Graham reached over to Henry, grabbed the strap of his hat, and pulled his face into the water, then laughed like a crazy man. It was hilarious. Henry didn't even seem to mind too much. He likes being wet.

Things Henry has pooped on in June:

2008-06-18T08:43:00.000-07:00

Me, twice (not too surprising)
The circulation desk at Swarthmore College's library
My mother in law
The couch

This is a longer list than March, which was:

My grandmother, twice, the same afternoon

Although these poops are loud, there is no warning. The sound and the leakage occur simultaneously and I'm left frozen in shock (every time), wondering how I can get him to a diaper changing area without leaving a trail of poo.

Teething and pumping

2008-06-17T09:05:00.000-07:00

I'm alone with the babies for the first time in a week. Peter and Shirlee were here from Tuesday to Friday, then Blake was here from Saturday until today. I'm exhausted. Jamie's exhausted. The boys are exhausted. But, we had a lot of fun. It is so nice to spend time with people whose company I enjoy.

The boys have been little boogers since Sunday. I think this is teething for real. They drool, they cry, they chew and they want to be held all the time. They have gross coughs and drippy noses and Graham had a fever yesterday. They are still pretty cheerful for the most part though.

Also, I am going to try to pump milk for the local milk bank. There was an article in the paper about their supply being low. Since the boys are finally sleeping through the night, my body hasn't adjusted to not producing milk at night yet, which makes 9ish a perfect time to pump. I'm also trying to get in the habit of pumping so that we can have milk for this fall when I go back to school. In order to do that, we are going to need to get the boys in the habit of taking bottles, which they currently refuse. I've heard that sometimes when kids refuse bottles they'll take sippy cups, so I got some to try, but it seems like the problem isn't so much the bottle as the absence of my nipple. We'll see

Helping my mom

2008-05-15T20:15:00.000-07:00

My mom is a certified parent coach, but needs some help getting word out about her services. I have no idea if anyone ever reads my pathetic little blog, but if you do and you need a parent coach in North Carolina (or anywhere, its all over the phone anyway), check out her website www.ncparentcoach.com.
Thanks

busy day

2008-04-30T17:14:00.000-07:00

The boys and I were out and about for most of the day. We went to a new church on Sunday and loved it (http://www.ouradvocate.org/), so this morning we joined a bunch of moms and dads and toddlers for a get together that was half bible study, half don'thitthebabywhatsinyourmouthisthatadeadcaterpillar? I really enjoyed it. I met a stay at home dad who lives just around the corner from us and his really cute 2.5 year old who is into a lot of the same stuff as Jamie. Maybe they can be daddy friends.
After the gathering, some people went on a walk around Carrboro and we joined them. It was refreshing to be in a group of parents and small children and talk about politics and current events instead of diapers and spit up. Not that I don't like talking about diapers.
Then, we packed up and headed to the mall to meet our twin friends for... another walk. I got there a little early and my friends were a little late, so I had time to get some shorts that actually fit!!!!!
And most exciting of all, we haven't had hot water since Sunday. We get a new hot water heater tomorrow. We move to a less crappy apartment next month. Can't wait.

Single parent for a week

2008-04-09T18:31:00.000-07:00

Jamie has been out of town since Monday. He comes home tomorrow night and I can't wait. It hasn't been as hard logistically without him as I thought it would. I was thinking through this, and I realized that he really only spends about 3 hours with the babies on any weekday. He usually gets up when they get up in the morning and changes their diapers and gets them dressed, so he sees them for up to an hour then. Then at night, he is usually home from work around 5 and they go to bed at 7. Poor guy. I have really missed him though. I think Graham and Henry will be really excited to see him on Friday morning when they get up.

We've had a busy week while he's been gone, though. I have a group of women who all have twins the same age as my boys and we try to get together twice a week. The other two women who make it as regularly as I do have kids who were born 4 days and 8 days after mine. I really enjoy talking to people who are in the exact same place I am, babywise. Speaking of babywise (I didn't intend this joke at all, how convenient!), I have been using the Babywise book the past two days to establish a good sleeping pattern with the boys. Since the disastrous attempt at using 12 Hours Sleep by 12 Weeks Old, I had given up on using any prescribed system for baby sleep. But I have realized that I am not a creature of habit at all, and my kids need some kind of structure. So we started the system yesterday. The boys have been napping well and often, with no more than 10 minutes of crying before they fall asleep. Last night they only woke up once between 7 pm and 7:30 am. The night before that, they had woken up 4 times each, so this is a vast improvement already. I'm hoping that we can get them sleeping all night soon-ish, not only so I can get more sleep, but also so I can get a babysitter and go out. I don't want to have anyone else put them to bed yet, and I certainly don't want someone else to have to manage them when they get up in the middle of the night. This means that Jamie and I are stuck at home all night starting at 6:30ish. I would love to have someone come over and sit on my couch while we go to dinner or a move (or both!).

Other exciting news this week: Graham rolls over. A lot. Only front to back so far, but this morning he did it three times in a row. I'm going to try to get a video of it tomorrow. Very exciting!

If you're happy and you know it

2008-04-05T19:33:00.000-07:00

Graham's current favorite thing in the world (after nursing) is the activity gym. This is one of the many things I knew nothing about, since none of my friends have kids. I left the boys with one of my NEW twin mom friends who was brave enough to deal with four babies at once while I went to the dentist. When I got back, she reported that Graham played calmly with her activity gym for 45 minutes. I bought one the next day.

So one of the toys hanging off this gym is a mirror shaped like a sun with an orange tab on the bottom. When you pull the tab, it plays a horrible electronic-y sounding clip of "If you're happy and you know it." A few days ago Graham managed to grab the tab and pull it. Then yesterday he did it twice. This morning he did it about five times. I think he knows whats going on.

Henry also likes the gym, although his favorite way to play with it is to kick at it with his feet while he's sitting in his bouncy seat. His big new development is that he no longer refuses to put any effort into lifting his head up.

Spring!!

2008-03-31T18:42:00.001-07:00

I'm taking a small step into the world of blogging and entering this picture for the contest at:
http://twinkies.bastetweb.com/photo-contest/
Vote for us!

It's not a vacation, it's a trip.

2008-03-31T18:27:00.000-07:00

Last week, Henry and Graham and I went to Florida with my mom and my little sisters. It was exhausting. We split the trip up so that we wouldn't have a really long drive with the babies, which was good, but this meant that we were in the car for at least four hours on Saturday, Sunday, Monday, Thursday, Friday, and Saturday. Ridiculous. It was worth it to see my Grandma with the babies, though. Henry is naked because this picture is right after he had the most explosive poop of his life all over Great Grandma's lap. Stupid disposable diapers.

Things I learned from the trip:
-As annoying as fourth grade girls are, it's convenient to bring two of them when traveling with infant twins. They can shake toys and make faces when the babies get sick of being in the car.
-Once you squeeze two adults, two fourth graders, two babies, two carseats, a stroller, suitcases for all of the above and a few small toys into a minivan, there isn't much room left for something for babies to sleep in.
-Even if it seems like your kids are too small to move that much and you're going to swaddle them anyway, if you're putting them to bed on the floor, make sure there is clear space all around them. Otherwise, you hear a baby screaming at 2 am and discover that he is rotated 180 degrees and halfway under the bed.
-There are only so many times you can wash your own sheets after your baby exorcist-vomits on them and still have your week qualify as a vacation.
-Wiggly, vomiting babies fit nicely in a (sturdy, safe) baby doll cradle.
-Breastfeeding babies whose mother eats nothing but fast food for a week get a lot of gas.

On Wednesday before we left, I called my pediatrician to let him know the the samples of meds that he gave us for Henry's reflux were working. He said he'd call in a prescription for it and I could pick it up the next day. Four calls to the pediatrician, one visit to the office, endless calls to 6 pharmacies in three states and five days later, we finally got the prescription. I must really love that kid.

Time to write this stuff down

2008-03-20T07:48:00.000-07:00

This morning, I put Henry on his belly and he pushed up with his arms and rolled to his back. And this is from the kid who HATES tummy time. He usually just rubs his face into the blanket until we turn him over, usually to find a giant booger stuck to his face.

Henry and Graham are three months old today and I haven't been keeping any kind of record of their lives. I'm not really a journal person. But I think I want to start tracking milestones, so I'll do it here.

Stuff they already do:
Lots of smiling and laughing
When you talk to them they listen and respond.
They love being under their play gym and batting at toys (especially Graham).
They are both really good at pushing up and holding their heads up.
When they notice each other (usually when they're both nursing) they smile and laugh. They love looking at each other.